Why?
by Backward-In-Heels
Summary: Jack reflects on the events that led up to the wedding of the woman he loved. Its a rather sad story.


**Hello! This is an edited version of my story Why? I read through it recently and realized it was in dire need of a formatting update as well as a grammar check. **

* * *

Jack Thompson sat at his desk in the SSR thinking about the events that were about to unfold that day and what led up to them. He was currently supposed to be at Our Lady of Perpetual Help church in an hour, though he was seriously considering not going. He glanced down at the creamy white invitation lying on his desk. _We would like to request your presence at the impending nuptials of Daniel Sousa and Margaret Carter, Saturday May 10, 1947 at 6:00 o'clock PM. _

Jack stared at the little white piece of paper wishing it would disintegrate in front of his eyes. He laughed bitterly into his glass of bourbon thinking about Peggy's name being Margaret on the invitations. He knew she loathed that name and any possible derivative of it, but Sousa's over bearing and uppity mother insisted on putting Margaret on the invitations; it seemed fitting though.

Jack couldn't help but think that Margaret Carter, the English girl from a prominent British family, _was_ the one marrying Daniel Sousa, because he certainly knew that Peggy Carter, the spitfire agent of the SSR would never in her right mind marry someone like Daniel. Not because Daniel was a cripple, but because he pitied her and Peggy hated pity. Daniel treated her like she needed protecting and standing up for, but Jack damn well knew she didn't. He knew that Peggy could hold her own better than anyone else in the office, hell, probably most people in the world, but she was still marrying the lucky son of a- well, you know.

* * *

Jack's mind drifted back to her engagement party at Howard Starks house, where he found her alone sitting on the kitchen counter drinking bourbon in the dark. He chuckled with her when she told him that her future mother-in-law would have a heart attack if she saw her drinking hard liquor. They shared a quite moment together that night, in the dark, all alone, not missed by anyone in the living room at her own party.

It was odd that Jack knew more about Peggy than her own fiancée probably did. He knew that she hated sherry and champagne, and much rather preferred bourbon. He knew she loved to dance and was wonderful at it, something Daniel would never know. He knew that she hated all these ritzy parties and events because it reminded her of her youth and the tortures of being a socialite's daughter.

He knew all this because he loved her. _He loved Peggy Carter. _He loved her from day one when she came marching into the bullpen all red lipstick and high heels. He loved her since Russia, when she saved his life. He loved her since Leviathan, where she saved thousands of lives. He loved her since the day she forgave him for taking the credit for what was rightfully hers. He loved everything about her.

She half drunkenly confessed to him that night that she didn't know what she was doing marrying Daniel. She had made a vow as a little girl that she wouldn't marry some brainless social boy to make her parents or his parents happy, not that Daniel was exactly a social boy, but he embraced that lifestyle, she didn't. He wasn't sure what to say, so he asked the question that had been on his mind since the moment she went out with Daniel on their first date. _Why? Why are you marrying him? _She gave him a sad but cold smile and said as she brought the bottle up to her lips. _Because he asked me, and you didn't. _

Two little words, that's all it took to let him know that she felt the same way about him that he felt about her, but that wasn't enough. Peggy would hardly walk out on Daniel, even if she were in love with Jack. It seemed so sad for a woman like her, who had denied herself everything she ever wanted to serve her country, only to loose the two men she would ever really love and marry a man whom she didn't love. After everything she had scarified for her country, this is how her life would be. The wife of a man she didn't love, the daughter-in-law of a woman who she couldn't stand, and eventually the mother of children she wouldn't want. Jack told her that she shouldn't have to marry someone she didn't love. Her face was almost comical when he said that, but she replied with a harsh and bitter laugh. She hopped down from the counter and smoothed her dress with her hands while saying that in families like hers and Daniels, love was pretty much irrelevant, a sad, but very true fact.

* * *

Jack swiveled around in his chair and stared at the clock in his office. _45 minutes Jack, you have 45 minutes to get to the wedding of the woman you love. _He pulled himself up out of his chair and grabbed his jacket. The entire drive to the church he thought if there was even the smallest possibility of changing her mind, but he knew he couldn't. He tried that once, to tell her that she wouldn't be happy.

It was one hot afternoon when they shared a moment in the file room at the SSR. She was in there looking for a file on Leviathan, or that was what she was originally doing in there. He found her sitting on the floor with her legs in front of her crossed at the ankles and a cigarette perched in between her blood red lips. She cast him a glance when he came in on her, but did nothing to cover up her actions. Instead she took a long drag and blew out. His lips smirked at her actions, always so bold and daring.

"You know Carter, I could have you fired for smoking on the clock in a government building surrounded by highly flammable documents," he said as he slid down to her level and sat beside her, mirroring her position. She scoffed and passed the cigarette to him while lighting another.

"It would be pointless to fire me since I'm leaving in a few months anyways," Peggy said referring to her new job at SHIELD. "Besides, I don't smoke often. Only when I'm really stressed." Jack gave her a sympathetic look,

"Mother-in-law?" Jack asked, knowing she had had lunch with her earlier.

"More like monster-in-law," Peggy said with a dry chuckle, not bothering to elaborate further. They sat in confortable silence for a few moments, the only sound being an occasional breath in or out. Finally Jack broke the silence.

"So, uh, where's the honeymoon," Jack heard himself say. _What the heck Jack? Why would you ask a question like that? You don't even want to know. _

_"_Hell if I know, I'm sure Mrs. Sousa has that all planned out," Peggy said tonelessly. Jack almost winced at her words. She was regretting this already and she wasn't even married. It seemed funny that when these two first met, they were always at each other's throats, throwing constant jabs at each other, but now they were sharing a smoke together and seeking solace in each other. Peggy had even partially admitted she loved him, even if she had had a bit too much to drink on the night of her engagement party when she told him. The thoughts came crashing together in Jack's mind and were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Don't marry him," Jack said, mentally slapping himself, but unable to stop what came out next, "Marry me instead." Peggy paused mid-drag, but quickly regained composure. She glanced down at the ground and sighed,

"I can't, you know that," Peggy said almost regretfully

"Why not? You can always just break it off with him," Jack said

Peggy shook her head; "I've made my bed, now I must lie in it,"

"But you don't love him," Jack said quietly.

"No, I don't, or at least not like he loves me, but there are many different kinds of love in a marriage, and I couldn't break it off without a reason," Peggy said sadly. "I have more pride than that."

Jack was silent and knew that she had made her choice, and she was going to stick with it, even if she regretted doing so now. She butted out her cigarette and stood up, straightening her dress and fixing her lipstick. Jack watched from the floor as she grabbed the file she needed and opened the door to leave. Before she was left though, she turned around and said to him,

"He'll make me happy, maybe not like you or Steve would have, but I'll be happy. One day." With that said, she turned and left, her heels clicking against the floor as she walked, imprinting in Jacks memory.

He pulled into the church parking lot with fifteen minutes to spare. Jack sat in his car for the next ten minutes. He wanted to avoid the guest if he could help it; slip in the back and slip out before anyone noticed him being there. Dragging himself out of the car, he made his way to the front of the church. His steps grew heavier as he approached the church doors; cold air hit him when the doors opened. The bright summer sunlight had him squinting his eyes, and the dim lights of the church caused him to pause for his eyesight to readjust. There was so much white. It was when his eyesight cleared that he realizes the vision in white was Peggy. She was standing in the church corridors, dressed in a long white gown with long sleeves, rows of tiny buttons and a lace veil.

"You made it. I was beginning to think you weren't coming," Peggy said quietly. Jack looked down at the ground, muttering some crap about traffic. Peggy shot him one of her signature eye rolls,

"You always were a bad liar Thompson." He chuckled lightly at her comment, both knowing she was just trying to lighten the mood. They fell silent, lost in each other's gaze. Sadly, they were jarred into reality when a bridesmaid peeped her head out into the corridor and gave Peggy her cue. Peggy nodded and told her to start the music in two minutes. She turned her gaze back to Jack and gave him a small, sad smile. Rising up on her toes, she whispered into his ear, _sometimes, it's just the way it has to be. I'm so sorry, _before ghosting his cheek with a gentle kiss.

* * *

Peggy Carter Sousa would never know how much that kiss would haunt Jack, how he would lie awake at night, longing to feel her lips brush against his cheek. After Peggy left the SSR and started SHIELD, she would eventually loose contact with Jack Thompson, and eventually, after many years, she would be able to get on with her life.

She never forgot him, but she would finally accept her loss, and move forward. Jack of course never forgot her, and because of his friends who had joined SHIELD, he would often hear snippets about Director Carter. Peggy would go on to have two children, a boy and a girl, whom she would grow to love with all her heart.

Jack would never marry, his heart belonged to a woman who couldn't give her heart to him in return. Occasionally, Daniel would mention Jacks name in conversation, something that never ceased to cause a dull ache in Peggy's heart. The years would pass, and Peggy would develop a rare form of Alzheimer's. Daniel was now dead, having died three years ago, and her children had moved off and away. Soon, both Peggy and Jack would pass away, leaving nothing on this earth but their legacy. Their story was a sad, and tragic one, filled with crosses to bear, expectations to fill, and choices they had to live with. If you were to look back on it now, you might think that they could have avoided their own unhappiness had they admitted their feelings and acted on them, but then again, as Peggy said, _sometimes, it's just the way it has to be._


End file.
